The Monogamy Gap
Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating
Published on 1. March 2012
Book
Hardback
256 pages
978-0-19-977792-1 (ISBN)
Description
Whether straight or gay, most men start their relationships desiring monogamy. This is rooted in the pervasive notion that monogamy exists as a sign of true love. Yet despite this deeply held cultural ideal, cheating remains rampant. In this accessible book, Eric Anderson investigates why 78% of men he interviewed have cheated despite their desire not to.
Combining 120 interviews with research from the fields of sociology, biology, and psychology, Anderson identifies cheating as a product of wanting emotional passion for one's partner, along with a steadily growing desire for emotionally-detached recreational sex with others. Anderson coins the term "the monogamy gap" to describe this phenomenon.
Anderson suggests that monogamy is an irrational ideal because it fails to fulfil a lifetime of sexual desires. Cheating therefore becomes the rational response to an irrational situation.
The Monogamy Gap draws on a range of concepts. theories, and disciplines to highlight the biological compulsion of our sexual urges, the social construction of the monogamous ideal, and the devastating chasm that lies between them. Whether single or married, monogamous or open, straight or gay, readers will find The Monogamy Gap to be an enlightening, intellectually compelling, and provocative book.
Combining 120 interviews with research from the fields of sociology, biology, and psychology, Anderson identifies cheating as a product of wanting emotional passion for one's partner, along with a steadily growing desire for emotionally-detached recreational sex with others. Anderson coins the term "the monogamy gap" to describe this phenomenon.
Anderson suggests that monogamy is an irrational ideal because it fails to fulfil a lifetime of sexual desires. Cheating therefore becomes the rational response to an irrational situation.
The Monogamy Gap draws on a range of concepts. theories, and disciplines to highlight the biological compulsion of our sexual urges, the social construction of the monogamous ideal, and the devastating chasm that lies between them. Whether single or married, monogamous or open, straight or gay, readers will find The Monogamy Gap to be an enlightening, intellectually compelling, and provocative book.
Reviews / Votes
"Sociologist Eric Anderson asks troubling, controversial questions, and his answers might well unsettle and challenge readers. To Anderson, monogamy is a bankrupt illusion foisted on young men and women, which falsely promises that once they find true love, they will no longer experience ubiquitous sexual boredom and the desire to cheat. Leading the reader on an unpredictable journey, Anderson explores a number of related issues, such as why one should be'happy' when a boyfriend/girlfriend is having 'hot sex' with another person; why gay boys masturbate more; and why straight men are becoming desensitized to gay sex. Anderson closes with his solution to
negotiating sexual and romantic urges: a sexually promiscuous, emotionally monogamous relationship."
- Ritch C. Savin-Williams, Chair and Professor of Human Development, and Director, Sex and Gender Lab, Cornell University
"You may or may not agree with Eric Anderson's thesis, but The Monogamy Gap is a hard book to ignore. Sometimes somber, sometimes sassy, always engaging, Anderson is not afraid to challenge conventional wisdom about the ills of contemporary relationships. Monogamy, not infidelity, he argues, is the problem. Mixing scientific reports, imaginative sociological theorizing, and original interviews with gay and straight men,
The Monogamy Gap is the most compassionate account to date of men's struggle to reconcile their lives with cultural expectations for sexual fidelity."
- Judith Treas, Professor of Sociology, University of California, Irvine
''The Monogamy Gap is a fascinating addition to the literature on monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Weaving together sociological and psychological theory and research with the accounts of men, the book proposes insightful, original, and provocative understandings of cheating behavior. As always, Eric Anderson writes in a way that is both engaging and well-informed, making this book a delight to read.
The Monogamy Gap is a must-have for every serious scholar of relationships, as well as for all those who are fascinated by the societal shifts that we are currently undergoing in relation to love, sex, and gender."
- Meg Barker, Lecturer in Psychology, The Open University; co-author of Understanding Non-Monogamies; and editor of Psychology & Sexuality
More details
Series
Language
English
Place of publication
New York
United States
Target group
The primary audience includes undergraduate and graduate students in the fields of sexuality and gender. The book would be appropriate for courses on relationships, masculinity, gender studies, and marriage and family
Dimensions
Height: 237 mm
Width: 163 mm
Thickness: 23 mm
Weight
482 gr
ISBN-13
978-0-19-977792-1 (9780199777921)
Copyright in bibliographic data and cover images is held by Nielsen Book Services Limited or by the publishers or by their respective licensors: all rights reserved.
Schweitzer Classification
Other editions
Additional editions
Book
12/2012
Oxford University Press Inc
€41.70
Shipment within 15-20 days
E-Book
03/2012
1st Edition
OUP eBook
€9.99
Available for download
E-Book
10/2011
1st Edition
OUP eBook
€9.99
Available for download
Person
Professor Eric Anderson is an American sociologist at the University of Winchester. He is known for his research on sex, gender, and sport. Anderson is also the author of eight books, many of which document the development of pro-gay attitudes in young, heterosexual men. His work examines how this changing culture enables heterosexual men to show love and affection more openly toward their male peers, and how openly gay male athletes are thriving in
sport.
sport.
Content
Part 1: Introduction ; Chapter 1: Overview of the Research ; Chapter 2: Developing a Critique of Monogamy ; Chapter 3: About the Study ; Part 2: Men, Attraction, and Love ; Chapter 4: The Hardening and Softening of Men ; Chapter 5: The Science of Sexual Attraction ; Chapter 6: The Development of Romantic Relationships ; Part 3: Monogamy and its Discontents ; Chapter 7: Categorizing Monogamy Types ; Chapter 8: Monogamism ; Chapter 9: The Monogamy Gap ; Chapter 10: Costs of Monogamism ; Chapter 11: Jealousy ; Chapter 12: Liberation from Monogamous Missionary Sex ; Part 4: The Reality of Cheating ; Chapter 13: Prevalence of Cheating ; Chapter 14: Spontaneous Cheating ; Chapter 15: Cheating Out of Love ; Chapter 16: Consequences of Cheating ; Chapter 17: Counter Currents ; Chapter 18: Conclusions